Rollin' Rollin' Rollin' See Those Eyeballs Rollin'
Mood:  surprised
Topic: Lauren
Yesterday was my day to drop Lauren off at preschool. I was a bit worried because of what happened at the park

At first I thought it was pride - I was proud of her for going into dance class, going into her classroom, getting in there and participating. But then I realized there had to be something else to it. It couldn't be just pride because I teared up at her dance recital and I was definitely proud of her then but it felt different. I think it was really more relief than anything. I was a very shy child and I'm just so relieved that Lauren doesn't have it as bad as I did. It is not fun to be shy, to want to get in there and participate, but not be able to for some totally uncontrollable, subconscious reason, so I am very happy that Lauren's brush with shyness seems to be turning out to be of the more normal variety. My current plan then is, come October, to go into her conference and lay it all out. I was a very shy child, Lauren has had a difficult time with separation/shyness in the past, I was worried that she would have to go through what I went through, and I'm just so relieved to hear that she is doing so well.

I may end up even more embarrassed than I am now, but what the heck? What's a little more embarrassment when face is at stake? during the summer, but I was pleasantly surprised that she did not shed a tear and walked off into the classroom with nary a look back. I was a bit surprised, however, that I was, once again, the one who shed a tear. Last year I was totally taken aback at my reaction when a 3yr old Lauren calmly and happily walked off into dance class with the teacher. Back then I held it together for maybe 30 seconds before the tears streamed uncontrollably down my cheeks. This time it was only 15 seconds but, thankfully, the tears never left my eyes. Lauren's preschool teacher had come out to say hello and said "Lauren is just eating this up" I nodded and managed a smile as the tears formed. Normally I ignore the tears and hope the other person doesn't notice, but this time I decided I would acknowledge them. I replied to the teacher "It makes me teary to hear you say that." Her response..."Oh really?" I'm sure she wanted to roll her eyes in great big circles at that and she probably promptly catagorized me as one of those mothers who worries about her child having separation issues when it's really she who has the problem. At that point all I could manage was that once Lauren gets to know people, she does much better. I'm sure I put the nail in the coffin with that one since she had just told me that Lauren was "eating it up". My God talk about embarrassed. Even though I knew I should probably just drop it, on the way home I found myself thinking about how I could turn it around. Save face. In order to do that, I had to come up with an excuse and to come up with an excuse I first had to figure out why I teared up in the first place.