I'm Ready But I'm Not Ready
Mood:  hug me
Topic: Lauren
I will be going away for a couple of days for work starting tomorrow. On the one hand, I'm very excited and relieved to finally have some time to myself. I’ll be free to be alone and enjoy what I want to enjoy pretty much when I want to enjoy it (aside from the work part of the trip). I will get a good night sleep with no interruptions because Lauren wants a drink or is hungry or has to pee. I’m hoping to wake up feeling refreshed – something that has not happened probably since I married.

On the other hand, I'm nervous and leery. What if DH, who sleeps by himself because he stays up very, very late, doesn’t take my place with Lauren and she is alone. Or what if DH, because he’s used to sleeping alone, gets no sleep at all?

And I'm sad. This will be the first time I’ll be away from my baby girl overnight - ever. It has been 3 yrs, 8 months, and 17 days since Lauren was born and while I have not always co-slept in the same bed as her, I have always slept in the same room. I won’t get her goodnight kisses nor will I get to feel her little body cuddled up next to mine. And my biggest fear of all, albeit a ridiculous and total improbability – what if Lauren doesn’t miss me?