Mood:
a-okTopic: Lauren
Normally Lauren takes a few days to process events and then blurt the story to me in the middle of an everyday conversation. This time however, she told me the day it happened. In fact, she told me after only an hour or so had passed. On the bus ride home, the neighbor girl told Lauren that she had an eye problem. Lauren, who does not know about bleph and that she has it, replied that she did not have an eye problem. The neighbor girl pretty much replied that, yes, she did, and went on to explain that another girl from class didn't want to be near Lauren because of her "eye problem and that thing on her face”.
It seems the kids spent another day talking about Lauren’s strawberry kiss on her cheek, was it a rash? A scab? Was it contagious? All of this in front of Lauren. Now, Lauren knows it’s a birthmark. She also knows that it’s often called an angel’s kiss and we like to say its three kisses from her grandmother, her grandfather, and her great grandmother, all of whom passed away while I was pregnant with Lauren. I’m sure Lauren was feeling very self-conscious and when that happens the last thing one wants to do is the one thing that would stop the talking - call more attention to oneself while explaining what it is. So Lauren didn’t say anything at the time.
The eye issue is different though. We’ve never mentioned the bleph to Lauren because we don’t want her to thinking there’s something “wrong” with her. I often thought Tony should say something to her, but he always wanted to wait until that bridge appeared. I think he was hoping it wouldn’t ever appear since her eyelids don’t seem to be affected as much his were, but here we are, standing in front of said bridge. I felt my way through it the best I could by telling Lauren that it wasn’t a nice thing for the other girl to say and asking how she had felt about it. Lauren seemed more bewildered by it than anything else. She just couldn’t figure out why someone would say she had an eye problem when she “doesn’t”. Then I told Tony is was time something was said because this wasn’t just teasing, this was shunning. Toyn proceeded to have an age appropriate talk with Lauren about their eyes being a little different from other people’s eyes – more almond shaped. He went on to explain how kids talk about or tease those who have something a little different about them. His example was of how a boy might be teased because his ears stick out. He asked her if she had ever teased anyone and explained that it makes people feel sad and it’s not a nice thing to do. He said she should just ignore people who say anything because they’re just being mean. I think it will be enough to get her started.
I have to give kudos to Tony here. I’m sure all of this has brought back some awfully painful feelings for him as well as brought up news ones when thinking about what may lie ahead for Lauren. He did say that he told her way more than he had intended but he did it. He did it for me because I thought it was important. So thank you Tony J Thank you for facing those feelings and taking a step in preparing Lauren for dealing with what may come. I love you!
happy
silly
special
crushed out
on fire
celebratory